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April 10, 2013
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//stealing this pass-it-on because feels

Journal Entry: Wed Apr 10, 2013, 9:30 PM
I rarely do this anymore, but oh my god it hit me right in the feels; via Dashing-Tophat 

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this.


You come home from school one day. You've had yet another horrible day. You're just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time.
A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don't answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you're asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She's screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that "Mommy is crying and sissy won't wake up."

Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what's going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying.

The next day at school, there's an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they've said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can't help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can't handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They're sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She's in shock. She can't believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can't cry, she can't feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out.

It's a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone's crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he's too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days.
It's two years later. Most of the kids from school to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn't succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day.

People care.
You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don't just affect you. They affect everyone. Don't end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can't get better if you give up. I'm here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we've NEVER talked before,
I'm here for you.
♥ It hurts. Things do eventually get better. don't give up. ♥

Copy and paste this as your journal to show people there are people out there that care.

CSS by little-billie
texture by SnapeisSexy
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:iconfrozendawn404:
Frozendawn404 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Because feels made me cry
Reply
:iconkolson98:
kolson98 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
C*Bawling uncontrolablely from feels over load so sad*
Reply
:iconpakochan:
PakoChan Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013  Student General Artist
I don't see why people wanna kill themselves.. Ik they might go through something and its hard but just think about the benefits later is nice. Don't comment something rude back please, but I just wanna say, you are important or else theres no reason to be born. Because you might not see it no matter how deep, but you ARE important. Atleast, you are to me even if I don't know you. I love almost everyone (Unless they treat me like horse shit) . And my friend committed suicide, so it does hurt, Thats all i want too say ;u;
Reply
:iconxxskypiratexx:
xXSkyPirateXx Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013
That's intense, but it doesn't make the depressed part of me un-depressed.
Reply
:iconrustycrayons:
RustyCrayons Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
found this on tumblr. gave up on tumblr after. Honestly this didn't help me. it just made me feel more like an even bigger waste of space and that anything I did would make everyone hurt. staying alive or being dead, doesn't matter. everyone will be in pain because of me. that may just be me, but I think it's more helpful to make people see that people love them another way. anyways, I'm over hat now, please don't shower me with sympathy or I will bust someones asssss.
Touching otherwise though :D :iconlazycryplz:
Reply
:icontechno--mutt:
Techno--Mutt Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Student Digital Artist
OMG i've read this before. :3
Reply
:iconcopperfrost:
Copperfrost Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Student General Artist
I've read that before but oh my God now that I know what it feels like oh GOD.

//steals and runs away
Reply
:iconvivaladork:
VivaLaDork Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Holy shit. That was...intense.
Reply
:iconmybrutalx-ratedlove:
MyBrutalX-RatedLove Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Honestly when I read this it was like me going through the motions, 'cause last year in 7th grade I thought about killing myself, and I thought that no one would care and that I was just awkward pest for just being there. I thought about ways to do it, like jumping off a roof of something.
I can't even imagine now that i, or even anyone would even think of doing that...
Reply
:iconnarcissistic-zombie:
Narcissistic-Zombie Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Student Digital Artist
This hit me pretty hard, it's very emotional and the suicide topic always makes me get all serious...I think I could never forgive myself if I couldn't help one of my friends or even a family member at such a time.
Reply
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