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July 12, 2013
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creys

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 12, 2013, 11:35 PM
After today's adventures of running around Corvallis, getting sick because of water, awkwardly squatting at practice, having my coach throw tennis balls at my chest and laugh nervously as I pray that he doesnt notice my abnormally shaped man chest HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA--//grosssobbing,; I was sun burnt for the first time in the past like...two years. BUT ITS LIKE FROM THE BACKS OF MY HANDS TO MY BICEPS AND ITS REALLY RED AND I DON'T WANT TO USE MY HANDS BECAUSE IT HURTS. i'm probably going to end up watching dumb shows all night.

But today was actually really fun! Honestly, this is turning out to be one of the best summers I've had in a few years and I'm really happy because the past year I've been just... really depressed and shit -- I refuse to be medicated because that shit isn't natural and plus, i'd prefer naturally curing myself with healthy measures as I've been determined to fill for the past few months. uvu I know that I've been  like bringing up baseball alot lately, and there's a story as to why this sudden passion has literally busted out of the fucknig blue-- I don't know it was like a ninja in my subconscious I guess.

Once upon a time, I was chilling out on tumblr late at night/earymorning, just minding my own business and missing my mum since she works the graveyard shift at her work, when all of a sudden I got an anon and we conversed for abit because they were asking about what I like to do other than drawing; I mentioned that I used to figure skate and once I broke my ankle in gymnastics before I moved to this little village of a town. Well in response to that anon, they had the nerve to tell me that I was an artist and that I should stick to what I know and that they honestly were shocked that I did anything active outside of the internet. That's when it dawned on me that I'm not all that proud of having the title of an artist, sure I like doing it -- not like I'm going to just quit after all the years I've put into it, but it's just... I'm not really proud of it ya'know? I don't find pride or satisfaction in saying that I'm an artist and that I'm letting all of these other opportunities pass me by because what that anonymous person said to me wasn't the first time I've heard that and not always to me directly. When I look at myself as a whole and list off what I like, what I'm good at, what I could do, it just comes out with alot more than just what I've been doing. If I wanted to, I could focus more on writing, I could be athletic and get into that, I could do alot of things that I never really payed heed to because I was so caught up in meeting the expectations of becoming a good artist to the standards of other people's opinions. 
(I'm just going to stop there before I rant s'more, honestly I could go for hours if I let myself)
But then (back on track as to what I was talking about) the idea of joining a sport popped into my brain literally the last half week of school and the first thing that caught my fancy was baseball. (I'm not sure if it's the sexy baseball players in their white pants or the game itself, joking aside it's alot more than just that tshhh) I did this for many reasons though, coming form a person who has pretty severe depression, I knew that knocking a few things out of my list of problems would probably be a smart step to being happier and sports are really good for that because endorphins and stuff; but also I have this pretty extreme case of social anxiety which slowly built up from the 4th grade+ 
-- 
which I'm not at all proud of since I was seriously that one kid who walked into my first grade classroom in tears and hanging on my mom because I didn't know the place, but the second I spot a little crying girl I rush over and tell her that it's okay and give her a tour of the classroom I've never set foot in before.

But I feel like getting into a sport would really help that, however the first day that I even tried stepping foot in the batting cages to chat with the coach my legs were shaking, I was sweating, and I was having a panic attack liek holy shit I've never experienced one that severe...but I got past it because I'm surprisingly a determined motherfucker...how this happened, I have a few ideas as to what contributed to it. Probably being shot up with man did that.
On a different note, the first few things that I said in that dumbass video above, my coach actually did give me a lecture about how sticking your butt out when squatting is important-- //laughsob. But all the while he explained to me, I couldn't shake the fact that the internet is convinced that I have an obsession with butts and then he fucknig said that "butt is power" and it literally took every cell in me to keep form busting up in laughter and saying dat ass tho.

But alas, I'm losing my train of thought so all I have to say is I'm internally cooking from the inside out and that I have no idea why I love baseball so much,
 but I really do holy shit. 8'I



Skin by sapphire-warg (modified by Captain-Hotpants)
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:iconwhitelucke:
WhiteLucke Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm dYING
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:iconshattered-remnant:
shattered-remnant Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't do sports, I tried but I've never been coordinated enough so good for you! I don't see why being good at art means you have to suck at other things, even though thats sort of the case with me but more in music. Anyways keep at it man!
Reply
:iconrecondite-riy:
Recondite-Riy Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student
I'm really glad you're so into baseball! It's my favorite sport and it's super fun to play, so I'm happy it's helping you :D Also, you should never not be proud of something you're good at! You're an amazing artist, and just because you draw doesn't mean you have to hold yourself to any stereotypes or fit into other poeple's definition of 'artist'. Just do it to make yourself happy, and if it doesn't make you happy then don't do it QvQ //cliche pep talk over
Reply
:iconkilayox:
Kilayox Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sports are great for helping with your depression, I have really bad depression too when you win it boosts your confidence like fucking crazy man! You gotta make sure you dont get down on yourself if you make a mistake or your team loses. Stay super positive :D andddd practice uvu Batting tips: keep your chin tucked down by your shoulder, and when you swing swing in your hips to get full power. //Bricked I'm sorry I'll stop now.
Reply
:iconpaopufrult:
PaopuFrult Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
AAH your voice! <33 its changing to something sexual AH
Reply
:iconsceneybeany:
SceneyBeany Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ermagawd your voice @_@ It's so fanceh...
Reply
:iconhiim5mart:
hiim5mart Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I fell in love with your voice. :iconloveheartplz:
Reply
:icongalaxynarwhal:
GalaxyNarwhal Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
there needs to be a shirt

"the secret to baseball = butt is power"
Reply
:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
I will make this right fucknignow
Reply
:icongalaxynarwhal:
GalaxyNarwhal Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
do it do it do it do it

doooooooooooooo iiiiit
Reply
:iconsuperfanloveraxl:
SuperFanLoveraxl Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
You can choose what you want to be. Don't let anyone else's opinion effect you, because later in life, you'll have to pay for it.

'Butts are everyone's weaknesses'~! XD Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get used to new things. Sure it can be scary going to a place you never knew about, but it's not that bad once you get used to it~! <:3 I think I just made it worse. Sorry. ;u; X'D

And if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. :iconhappygamzeeplz: That butt squat... XD
Reply
:iconindi-dere:
indi-dere Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*paps* Follow your dreams, sweetie pie. May the butts be ever in your favor.


On a completely unrelated note...I bed you'd look adorable in a baseball uniform~~!
Reply
:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
x'D hnnn I'll have one in spring when I'm ready~
Reply
:iconindi-dere:
indi-dere Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Keep us all updated~! ^^
Reply
:iconsnake--bites:
Snake--Bites Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student Digital Artist
fuckin hell man your voice :O
Well, I don't blame you at all for the whole artist thing! It would be best if you focused in things you loved more. I'll admit that yea, I'd love to see more of your art n stuff, but please dont feel forced ta continue of you have other passions you'd rather be persuin an stuff!>:u
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:iconbepopee:
bepopee Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not even in to baseball but throwing is fun :3
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:iconbepopee:
bepopee Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Butts are magical
Reply
:iconkay-land:
Kay-land Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That anon is a bitch!
Just because you're anonymous doesn't mean you can say whatever the hell you want...
I'm really glad you're getting into baseball, Kyle :I I never was good at sports so it's not even an option.
I know how you feel when you say being an artist isn't exactly...prideful.
Art students get looked down upon a lot. :u
I hope you do well anyway! :D
Reply
:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
Well I mean it's not that, I think art is amazing and just like wow awesome-- 
but I just don't think that "artist" is the only title I want to live up to. ;7;
Reply
:iconkay-land:
Kay-land Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah I can understand that.
It still doesn't really do me much good though :T
Unless you're like
an animator for Disney.
Reply
:iconb3aste321:
b3aste321 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
that... was some sexy ass throwing ! XD
Reply
:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
ffffff--
Reply
:iconb3aste321:
b3aste321 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
xD haha
love how you just had to be fancy, and kneel when you did it too x3 hehe
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:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
LOL
that was kind of impulsive I didnt mean to OTL

I just learned the footing for that pitch today and yeah I don't--
Reply
:iconb3aste321:
b3aste321 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
xD haha, I liked it ... it was .... yeah, I don't know what word to use so I'm just gonna use, MAJESTIC! :D
Reply
:iconsilverlaux:
silverlaux Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I have been defined by my art skills for a very long time myself and just last year I became a mens lacrosse player at my high school and from that I got a whole different look through my school not just for my talent on the field but also that I'm the only girl on the team. It is crazy amazing what sports can do as well to boost mental wellness when I started playing I thought I was going to just be an average person on the team or even the worst but by the end of the year I was one of the best beginner players and I became more focused at anything I was doing my own depression for that time went away and things were grate the whole season. Taking up a sport and doing something that you are proud of is by no doubt something always worth doing at least once in anyone's life. Loving a sport and having that as a daily motive to do something active and get out of the house and getting to be with friends as you practice may as well be all anyone needs to be happy.

sorry for the long comment if you read it I hope it was worth your time
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:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
This comment is actually really inspiring, gosh ;7;
Reply
:iconsilverlaux:
silverlaux Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
In Lacrosse I was attack meaning I was by the other teams goalie and constantly getting hit by shots and defenders and with the guys they joked about how my chest was "extra padding" ...yea that kind of was what I was reminded about with what you said about squats. But on with how sports are amazing I wish you luck with baseball and I wish that whatever team you are on gets many victories. By the way if you ever become doubtful of the sport just remember it isnt about being the best at the game its about the team and how they can come together to be the best they can become.Teamwork was a huge challenge for my lacrosse team and what we did to solve that was talk and make jokes after that we all knew each other more and almost all of the other games from then on just from knowing the whole team we barely lost another game just from being a better team.
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:iconnormie9:
Normie9 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Is it bad to say that this whole thing made my day?
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:iconcaptain-hotpants:
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
It did? ;7;
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:iconnormie9:
Normie9 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Yes. I just thought it was really humorous and the little bouncing around (I assume the male is you) you did was adorable, and I liked it.
Reply
:iconimasupastar0:
Imasupastar0 Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
that all sounds great and i agree with you takin up a sport. your great at your art but it would be fun to try something active that will also help you in the long run.
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