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Submitted on
July 12, 2013


16 (who?)


Journal Entry: Fri Jul 12, 2013, 11:35 PM
After today's adventures of running around Corvallis, getting sick because of water, awkwardly squatting at practice, having my coach throw tennis balls at my chest and laugh nervously as I pray that he doesnt notice my abnormally shaped man chest HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA--//grosssobbing,; I was sun burnt for the first time in the past like...two years. BUT ITS LIKE FROM THE BACKS OF MY HANDS TO MY BICEPS AND ITS REALLY RED AND I DON'T WANT TO USE MY HANDS BECAUSE IT HURTS. i'm probably going to end up watching dumb shows all night.

But today was actually really fun! Honestly, this is turning out to be one of the best summers I've had in a few years and I'm really happy because the past year I've been just... really depressed and shit -- I refuse to be medicated because that shit isn't natural and plus, i'd prefer naturally curing myself with healthy measures as I've been determined to fill for the past few months. uvu I know that I've been  like bringing up baseball alot lately, and there's a story as to why this sudden passion has literally busted out of the fucknig blue-- I don't know it was like a ninja in my subconscious I guess.

Once upon a time, I was chilling out on tumblr late at night/earymorning, just minding my own business and missing my mum since she works the graveyard shift at her work, when all of a sudden I got an anon and we conversed for abit because they were asking about what I like to do other than drawing; I mentioned that I used to figure skate and once I broke my ankle in gymnastics before I moved to this little village of a town. Well in response to that anon, they had the nerve to tell me that I was an artist and that I should stick to what I know and that they honestly were shocked that I did anything active outside of the internet. That's when it dawned on me that I'm not all that proud of having the title of an artist, sure I like doing it -- not like I'm going to just quit after all the years I've put into it, but it's just... I'm not really proud of it ya'know? I don't find pride or satisfaction in saying that I'm an artist and that I'm letting all of these other opportunities pass me by because what that anonymous person said to me wasn't the first time I've heard that and not always to me directly. When I look at myself as a whole and list off what I like, what I'm good at, what I could do, it just comes out with alot more than just what I've been doing. If I wanted to, I could focus more on writing, I could be athletic and get into that, I could do alot of things that I never really payed heed to because I was so caught up in meeting the expectations of becoming a good artist to the standards of other people's opinions. 
(I'm just going to stop there before I rant s'more, honestly I could go for hours if I let myself)
But then (back on track as to what I was talking about) the idea of joining a sport popped into my brain literally the last half week of school and the first thing that caught my fancy was baseball. (I'm not sure if it's the sexy baseball players in their white pants or the game itself, joking aside it's alot more than just that tshhh) I did this for many reasons though, coming form a person who has pretty severe depression, I knew that knocking a few things out of my list of problems would probably be a smart step to being happier and sports are really good for that because endorphins and stuff; but also I have this pretty extreme case of social anxiety which slowly built up from the 4th grade+ 
which I'm not at all proud of since I was seriously that one kid who walked into my first grade classroom in tears and hanging on my mom because I didn't know the place, but the second I spot a little crying girl I rush over and tell her that it's okay and give her a tour of the classroom I've never set foot in before.

But I feel like getting into a sport would really help that, however the first day that I even tried stepping foot in the batting cages to chat with the coach my legs were shaking, I was sweating, and I was having a panic attack liek holy shit I've never experienced one that severe...but I got past it because I'm surprisingly a determined this happened, I have a few ideas as to what contributed to it. Probably being shot up with man did that.
On a different note, the first few things that I said in that dumbass video above, my coach actually did give me a lecture about how sticking your butt out when squatting is important-- //laughsob. But all the while he explained to me, I couldn't shake the fact that the internet is convinced that I have an obsession with butts and then he fucknig said that "butt is power" and it literally took every cell in me to keep form busting up in laughter and saying dat ass tho.

But alas, I'm losing my train of thought so all I have to say is I'm internally cooking from the inside out and that I have no idea why I love baseball so much,
 but I really do holy shit. 8'I

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WhiteLucke Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
shattered-remnant Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't do sports, I tried but I've never been coordinated enough so good for you! I don't see why being good at art means you have to suck at other things, even though thats sort of the case with me but more in music. Anyways keep at it man!
Recondite-Riy Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Student
I'm really glad you're so into baseball! It's my favorite sport and it's super fun to play, so I'm happy it's helping you :D Also, you should never not be proud of something you're good at! You're an amazing artist, and just because you draw doesn't mean you have to hold yourself to any stereotypes or fit into other poeple's definition of 'artist'. Just do it to make yourself happy, and if it doesn't make you happy then don't do it QvQ //cliche pep talk over
Kilayox Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Sports are great for helping with your depression, I have really bad depression too when you win it boosts your confidence like fucking crazy man! You gotta make sure you dont get down on yourself if you make a mistake or your team loses. Stay super positive :D andddd practice uvu Batting tips: keep your chin tucked down by your shoulder, and when you swing swing in your hips to get full power. //Bricked I'm sorry I'll stop now.
PaopuFrult Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
AAH your voice! <33 its changing to something sexual AH
SceneyBeany Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ermagawd your voice @_@ It's so fanceh...
hiim5mart Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I fell in love with your voice. :iconloveheartplz:
GalaxyNarwhal Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
there needs to be a shirt

"the secret to baseball = butt is power"
Captain-Hotpants Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013
I will make this right fucknignow
GalaxyNarwhal Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
do it do it do it do it

doooooooooooooo iiiiit
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